I Almost Had a Brother Once
by Servant of Anubis
Summary: The oddest thoughts come to mind when you're under anesthesia. Akito is no exception, although his thoughts lead him to a realization he could have done without. ONESHOT


This is the result of reading My Sister's Keeper for Contemporary Literature and automatically connecting every serious illness to Akito. Then my imagination took over from there and this is the twisted result.

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I almost had a brother once.

I'm doing my best to take deep breaths and stay calm, because if I don't my heart will try to speed up and then I'll get really tired. But I can't help but be worried and a little scared, so I stopping watching where the gurney's being pushed and look at the plain white ceiling, listening to the sound of the nurses squawking out stats and orders and other such things.

I think it would be easier to stay calm if everyone wasn't rushing like time was running faster than they were. They forget that time will always win in the long run. I tried telling them this, tried backing out, but my mother insisted, because 'this is what your father would want'. She's probably lying, but I'm too young to have a say in this.

Of course, time really is of the essence though. A heart only lasts for six hours out of a body, at most, and nobody wants to risk it.

We reach the OR and I get two IVs, one in the crook of each elbow; one will be a blood transfusion, and the other will be for the anesthetic. As they prep me for surgery I stare at the metal poles of the table and the stands next to it; even in that small space I can see the bluish tint to my lips and skin. Hatori explained everything to me, under the watchful gaze of his father: I have tetralogy of Fallot, which means that four things went wrong with my heart at once. Medication and other minor surgery (well, minor to what I'm about to undergo) helped me along for a while, but then something went wrong. My heart started to fail. Before I got enough oxygen, but not as much as I should've; that's why my nail beds, my lips, and my skin are bluish (it's called cyanosis.) But now I don't even get that little bit of oxygen.

But I guess it's okay now. The nurse slips a mask over my face and asks me to count. I know exactly what will happen and I try to relax, because it'll be harder on everyone if my body fights it at the last moment. Everyone was surprised that a match came up for me, since the chances seemed so very slim. Can you believe that no one in my whole extended family was a close-enough match? Not that we didn't try; every Sohma was tested for compatibility with me when my mother first learned what was wrong with me when I was one. But that was just for blood, originally. I had no idea that I would need a whole new heart.

The room starts to get fuzzy and my head feels light. Through the fog I can see my mother standing coldly at the window, and an odd thought pops into my mind.

She had wanted another baby, when she found out I was sick. But I had hurt her when I was born, so she couldn't have another baby even if she wanted to. But my father wanted another child too, more than my mother. I heard one of the maids mention it. He had the whole House tested, and he could, because he was the Head of the House, just like I will be. He was looking for a certain type of baby, they had whispered, something about genes.

I dully hear a nurse call for more anesthetic because I'm not reacting, but I am. I know because I feel light, like I'm floating. I try to tell her this but my mouth doesn't want to cooperate. I gaze at my mother, thinking about how she didn't like the maids, or anyone being near my father, not even me. How lucky I was to get a donated heart so quickly after being placed on the waiting list. How my mother once whispered to me that my blood was precious and, as much as she hated it, there was only one type good enough for me. How a maid wished me a safe operation and told me not to worry, 'your new heart will fit like a glove'. All these silly little thoughts keep drifting around my head, and I feel like I'm missing something.

My eyes finally slide shut and I feel my body relax. The last thought slides through my mind like the rumored whisper I first heard it in:

I almost had a brother.

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Kinda dark, kinda creepy. What do you think? Tell me in a review!


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